Self Help – Lorrie Moore
I suffer indignities at your hands. And agonies of duh feet. I don't know why I joke. I hurt.
— How to Be an Other Woman
Talented men have very busy heads. They may seem unkind at times.
Beware of a man who says he loves you but is incapable of a passionate confession, of melting into a sob.
— What is Seized
"Decide that perhaps you should stick to comedies. Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and what now your creative writing class calls "self-contempt giving rise to comic form." Write down all of his jokes, but don't tell him you are doing this. Make up anagrams of his old girlfriend's name and name all of your socially handicapped characters with them. Tell him his old girlfriend is in all of your stories and then watch how funny he can be, see what a really great sense of humor he can have.
You spend too much time slouched and demoralized. Your boyfriend suggests cycling. Your roommate suggests a new boyfriend.
You have broken up with your boyfriend. You now go out with men, instead of whispering "I love you," shout: "Do it to me, baby." This is good for your writing.
— How to Become a Writer
In the elevator I touch my face, touch my eyes to see if they are behaving, if they are being, if they are having, or misbehaving, miss being had. The words conflate and dizzy me, smack of the errors of my life I misbe. I mishave.
— To Fill